


'wtf is going on' on Ice

by jnonly



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Crack, F/F, Gen, Humor, M/M, chatroom, more characters will be added as time goes by, why am I doing this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-20
Updated: 2017-04-10
Packaged: 2018-09-10 14:55:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 5,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8921455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jnonly/pseuds/jnonly
Summary: Sugar, spice, and everything nice. These were the ingredients chosen to create the perfect group chat. But, Phichit accidentally added extra ingredients to the concoction - salt, angst, memes, and even more salt. Thus, this monstrosity of a group chat was born. Using their absurdly high saltiness levels, the members of this group chat have dedicated their lives to fighting crime and the forces of evil. (I couldn't think of a summary. kill me)





	1. y r u liek dis

**Author's Note:**

> so uhm these are everyone's usernames so far (pls help me I suck at creating usernames OTL)
> 
> viktor - vitya  
> yuuri - katsudon  
> yuri - russiantiger  
> phichit - phikachu  
> guang hong - ji-gh  
> leo - leooel  
> michele - crispinokreme  
> sara - crispino2.0  
> minami - lilnugget  
> jj - theking  
> otabek - otabae  
> georgi - evilwitch  
> seung gil - 66gemini  
> mila - milaaaaaa
> 
> all of them are residing in Japan cause I can't be bothered about the different timezones

20/12/16, 22:47

 

_phikachu_ created the group 

 

_phikachu_ renamed the group to _"what is sleep"_

 

_phikachu_ added _katsudon_ , _vitya_ , _russiantiger_ , _ji-gh_ , _leooel_ to the group 

 

phikachu : guys help im bored

katsudon : phichit what's this for

katsudon : dont we already have like.. 34567985748 similar groups

phikachu : yea but its all the way at the bottom of my screen and i cant be bothered to scroll down HEHEHEHEHE

russiantiger : why am i even here

 

_russiantiger_ has left the group

 

_phikachu_ added _russiantiger_ group

 

phikachu : nah uh

phikachu : once you enter, theres no way out :)

russiantiger : ffs

vitya : yurio~ there's no escape~

russiantiger : for tHE LAST TIME STOP CALLING ME THAT

russiantiger : THATS NOT MY NAME

ji-gh : they call me 'Bell'

leooel : they call me 'Stacey'

ji-gh : they call me 'her'

vitya : they call me 'Jane'

phikachu : that's not my name

katsudon : that's not my name

leooel : that's not my name

ji-gh : that's not my name

russiantiger : why do i even bother..

katsudon : I HAVE A RIDDLE!!

katsudon : It's 7 o'clock in the morning, you are still sleeping in bed and you hear your friends knocking at the door to have breakfast with you

russiantiger : friends? what is that? never heard of it before

katsudon : shuSH LET ME CONTINUE

katsudon : In your house you have coffee, milk, chocolate, mozzarella and jam. 

katsudon : What is the first thing that you open?

russiantiger : my eyes? duh?

phikachu : im gonna debate the shit out of this

phikachu : if you hear the knocking, it means that your ear canals are open

phikachu : but if your ear canals are open, it means that your consciousness is already open

vitya : wat

leooel : phichit how much sleep did you get last night?

phikachu : yes

phikachu : a man is in a 4 story building

phikachu : he jumps out of the window but he is unharmed

phikachu : how is that possible?

ji-gh : he flew down

phikachu : i saiD HE JUMPED DOWN ARE YOU ILLITERATE 

leooel : dont be like that to guanghong

ji-gh : ;-;

katsudon : idk he wasnt alive in the first place?

phikachu :no

phikachu : he jumped out the window on the first floor

phikachu : hahahahahahhahaha

phikachu : hahahahaha

phikachu : hah i need sleep

russiantiger : you need help

phikachu : hdkjnghvjrfbrvuh

katsudon : immediate help

vitya : someone get the holy water

phikachu : A man was driving down the road and his car breaks down near a monastery. 

phikachu : He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?" 

phikachu : The monks graciously accept him, fed him dinner, even fixed his car. 

russiantiger : omg its too late for this bullshit

 

_russiantiger_ has left the group

 

_phikachu_ added _russiantiger_ to the group

 

phikachu : LISTEN TO ME YOU LIL SHIT

phikachu : As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk." 

leooel : y r u liek dis

katsudon : PHICHIT IGNORE THEM CONTINUe THE STORY

phikachu : The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. 

phikachu : Some years later, the same man's car breaks down in front of the same monastery. The monks again accepted him, fed him, even fixed his car. 

vitya : OOOH YEA CONTIN"UE THIS IS GETTIGN INTERESTING 

phikachu : That night, he hears the same strange noise that he had heard years earlier. 

phiakchu : The next morning, he asks what it was, but the monks reply, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk." 

phikachu : The man says, "All right, all right. I'm dying to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?" 

phikachu : The monks reply, "You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk." 

russiantiger : thats so energy consuming what the fuck

phikachu : MOVIGN ON

phikachu : The man then set out to complete his task

phikachu : Some years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, "I have traveled the Earth and have found what you have asked for." 

phikachu : "There are 145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth." 

phikachu : The monks reply, "Congratulations. You are now a monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound." 

phikachu : The monks lead the man to a wooden door where the head monk says, "The sound is right behind that door." 

phikachu : The man reaches for the knob, but found that the door was locked. 

phikachu : He says, "Real funny. May I have the key?" 

phikachu : The monks give him the key, and he opens the door.

phikachu : Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. 

phikachu : The man demands the key to the stone door. The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. 

phikachu : He demands another key from the monks, who provides it. 

phikachu : Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire.

phikachu : So it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald, then silver, then topaz, and then amethyst. 

leooel : jfc that is a lot of doors

phikachu : Finally, the monks say,"This is the last key to the last door." 

ji-gh : finally oh my god

phikachu : The man was relieved that the tedious task was completed and he was one door away from finding out the source of the sound. 

phikachu : He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is amazed to find the source of that strange sound. . . . . 

katsudon : WHAT IS IT

vitya : THE SUSPENSE IS REAL

phikachu : ARE YOU GUYS READY FOR THE BIG REVEAL?!?!?!!?!?!!

russiantiger : stop stalling time and tell us already ffs

phikachu : AW IS YURIO INTERESTED IN MY STORY 

phikachu : okay then. drumdroll pls

ji-gh : *drumroll sounds*

phikachu : He can't tell you what it is because . . . you're not a monk

phikachu : AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

 

_vitya_ has left the group

 

_russiantiger_ has left the group

 

leooel : again, y r u liek dis

 

_leooel_ has left the group

 

_katsudon_ has left the group

 

_ji-gh_ has left the group

 

phikachu : GUYS PLEASE IM SORRY HAHAHDIERNIFKND

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phichit may be sorry but I'm not :)


	2. super secret surprise party pt. 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> someone pls help me with usernames 
> 
> viktor - vitya  
> yuuri - katsudon  
> yuri - russiantiger  
> phichit - phikachu  
> guang hong - ji-gh  
> leo - leooel  
> michele - crispinokreme  
> sara - crispino2.0  
> minami - lilnugget  
> jj - theking  
> otabek - otabae  
> georgi - evilwitch  
> seung gil - 66gemini

21/12/16, 00:37

 

**what is sleep**

 

 _phikachu_ added _katsudon_ , _vitya_ , _russiantiger_ , _ji-gh_ , _leooel_ to the group

 

phikachu: guys im sorry about that

phikachu: i promise i wont do it ever again :(

katsudon : not cool man

katsudon: i was so into the story :(

phikachu: SUCKS TO BE YOU THEN HAHHAHA

katsudon : i will leAVE

phikachu : but you wont cause im your best friend forever and ever and ever and ever <3

ji-gh : I CANT BELIEVE CHRISTMAS IS IN LIKE FOUR DAYS?!

vitya : not only christmas though~

russiantiger : why am i in this hellhole again

phikachu : yuri dont pretend you dont enjoy our presence <3

russiantiger : gross

vitya : am i being ignored 

vitya : YUURIIIIIIII

vitya : you know what day it is in four days right~?

katsudon : christmas??

vitya : :(

 

21/12/16, 00:49

 

 _katsudon_ created the group

 

 _katsudon_ added _russiantiger_ , _ji-gh_ , _leooel_ , _phikachu_ to the group

 

 _katsudon_ renamed the group to "victor's surprise birthday party"

 

katsudon : GUYS

katsudon : WHAT SHOULD WE DO FOR VICTOR'S BIRTHDAY

leooel : well since its on christmas, maybe we could celebrate it during a christmas party or smth 

katsudon : OKAY TIME TO DELEGATE ROLES

phikachu : I VOLUNTEER TO BE THE PHOTOGRAPHER!!

katsudon : OKAY NICE

katsudon : WHO WANTS TO BE IN CHARGE OF THE DECORATIONS?

russiantiger : why am i here pt. 2

katsudon : GREAT! THANKS FOR VOLUNTEERING YURI!

russiantiger : WHAT DO YOU MEAN VOLUNTEER

russiantiger : okay actually that wont be so bad

russiantiger : FUCK YEA I'LL GLADLY BE IN CHARGE OF THE DECORATIONS

katsudon : WONDERFUL. AS FOR THE FOOD, I GUESS GUANGHONG AND LEO WOULD HAVE TO SETTLE THAT THEN

ji-gh : I HAVE NO COMPLAINTS. WHAT ABOUT U LEO?

leooel : SIGN ME THE FK UP

phikachu : WHY ARE WE SHOUTING

katsudon : I DONT KNOW BUT I AM SO EXCITED FOR IT

katsudon : #FIRSTXMASWITHTHEBAE

russiantiger : I DONT KNOW Y BUT IM EXCITED TOO

russiantiger : WHAT IS GOING ON

phikachu: WE SHOULD PROBABLY INVITE MORE PEOPLE

leooel : HELL YEA WE SHOULD

leooel : BUT WE'LL BE THE ONES PLANNING IT

ji-gh : YEA PLANNING SQUAD

 

 _ji-gh_ renamed the group to "victor's super secret surprise birthday party planning committee squad thing idek"

 

phikachu : OKAY MAYBE WE COULD CELEBRATE IT AT A SKI RESORT OR SMTH

phikachu : I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED TO GO SKIING LIKE ITS DIFFERENT FROM ICE SKATING

leooel : OKAY WE HAVE TO MAKE SURE VICTOR DOESNT FIND OUT ABOUT THIS

russiantiger : OI KATSUDON MAKE SURE HE DOESNT SNOOP AROUND YOUR PHONE AND RUIN IT OKAY

katsudon : YESSIR

katsudon : THIS IS GONNA BE FUN

ji-gh : we could also prank him ;)

russiantiger : what's with the winky face

phikachu : why are the caps locks gone :(((

katsudon : oh shit guys 

katsudon : i think victor's suspecting smth

katsudon : he just asked me why isnt anyone responding in the gc

russiantiger : COME UP WITH AN EXCUSE

phikachu : PROTECT THIS CHAT WITH YOUR LIFE

katsudon : OKOK I WILL TRY

 

21/12/16, 01:36

 

**what is sleep**

 

vitya : why are you guys ignoring me :(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's alr midnight why am i still awake? oh right. because i have no life :')  
> (next part will be posted soon heh)


	3. werewolf

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> someone pls help me with usernames 
> 
> viktor - vitya  
> yuuri - katsudon  
> yuri - russiantiger  
> phichit - phikachu  
> guang hong - ji-gh  
> leo - leooel  
> michele - crispinokreme  
> sara - crispino2.0  
> minami - lilnugget  
> jj - theking  
> otabek - otabae  
> georgi - evilwitch  
> seung gil - 66gemini

21/12/16, 10:04

 

**what is sleep**

 

phikachu : RISE AND SHINE BITCHES

russiantiger : its too early for this

phikachu : its 10 in the morning

ji-gh : I DIDN’T KNOW YOU COULD ADD GAME BOTS INTO THE GRP?!

ji-gh : THERES A WEREWOLF BOT?! I HAVENT PLAYED THAT GAME IN LIKE FOREVER??

katsudon : we should probably add more people to the group first

katsudon : it would be quite boring with like only.. 6 of us

phikachu : IM ON IT

 

 _phikachu_ added _crispinokreme_ , _crispino2.0_ to the group

 

russiantiger : otabek asked if he could join

vitya : SURE THE MORETHE MERRIER 

 

 _russiantiger_ added _otabae_ to the group

 

 _katsudon_ added _lilnugget_ to the group

 

 _vitya_ added _evilwitch_ to the group

 

phikachu : imma add jj

crispinokreme : hoe dont do it

phikachu : :)

russiantiger : HOE DONT DO IT

phikachu : :))

leooel : HOE DONT

 

 _phikachu_ added _theking_ to the group

 

evilwitch : oh my god

theking : MY FRIENDS HOW ARE YOU

crispino2.0 : what is this for?

phikachu : WE'RE GONNA PLAY WEREWOLF

leooel : how do we play it

ji-gh : soooo werewolf is basically a game of deception

ji-gh : once eveyone joins the game, the bot will message us privately about our roles

ji-gh : its quite simple and you'll get the hang of it the more you play!

katsudon : so the objective of the werewolves are to 'kill' the non-werewolves and vice versa

katsudon :there are special roles such as the tanner, who hates his life and wants to die

russiantiger : sounds familiar :)

katsudon : the only way he can win is if he gets lynched

katsudon : blablabla players get to choose who they want to lynch in the morning blablabla werewolves get to choose who they want to kill at night blablabla

phikachu : OKAY ARE YALL READY CAUSE I AM

 

 _phikachu_ added _@werewolfbot_ to the group

 

@werewolfbot : please type '/join' to join the game

vitya : /join

katsudon : /join

russiantiger : /join

theking : /join

otabae : /join

crispino2.0 : /join

lilnugget : /join

leooel : /join

phikachu : /join

ji-gh :/join

crispinokreme : /join

evilwitch : /join

@werewolfbot : the game has started

@werewolfbot : players please check your messages to know your roles

phikachu : NOICE

lilnugget : THIS SEEMS FUN 

@werewolfbot : night has fallen. everyone heads to bed. weary after another stressful day. NIGHT PLAYERS you have 60 seconds to use your actions.

russiantiger : istg if i die on the first round someones gonna die irl

@werewolfbot : _russiantiger_ tried to guard a wolf last night. the town woke up only to find the wings of _russiantiger_ hung on the church cross. clearly the wolves had an extra meal god-sent, free-of-charge, to their homes.

@werewolfbot : players alive : 11/12

>   
>  _vitya_ : Alive  
>  _katsudon_ : Alive  
>  _russiantiger_ : Dead - Guardian Angel  
>  _theking_ : Alive  
>  _otabae_ : Alive  
>  _crispino2.0_ : Alive  
>  _lilnugget_ : Alive  
>  _leooel_ : Alive  
>  _phikachu_ : Alive  
>  _ji-gh_ : Alive  
>  _crispinokreme_ : Alive  
>  _evilwitch_ : Alive  
> 

leooel : brutal

russiantiger : y r u guys liek dis

phikachu : shush dead people cnat talk 

vitya :shhhhhhhhhh

russiantiger : the one time i tried to be nice

russiantiger : AND THIS IS WHAT I GOT IN RETURN

crispinokreme : SHUSH YOU IS DED

phikachu : HAH

@werewolfbot : dusk draws near, and the villagers gather to decide who they are lynching this evening... everyone alive has 60 seconds to vote!

theking : OWN UP

ji-gh : which werewolf in the right mind would own up

katsudon :idk why but jj is suspicious 

leooel : yea im gettin that vibe from him too

ji-gh : uhhuh

crispinokreme : i was the seer and i saw minami as the werewolf

lilnugget : BUT I WAS THE SEER

phikachu : WELL SOMEONES LYIGN

@werewolfbot : time's up.

>   
>  _vitya_ has voted to lynch _lilnugget_  
>  _katsudon_ has voted to lynch _theking_  
>  _theking_ has voted to lynch _crispinokreme_  
>  _otabae_ has voted to lynch _theking_  
>  _crispino2.0_ has voted to lynch _theking_  
>  _lilnugget_ has voted to lynch _crispinokreme_  
>  _leooel_ has voted to lynch _theking_  
>  _phikachu_ has voted to lynch _crispinokreme_  
>  _ji-gh_ has voted to lynch _theking_  
>  _crispinokreme_ has voted to lynch _lilnugget_  
>  _evilwitch_ has voted to lynch _theking_  
> 

@werewolfbot : the villages have cast their votes, amid doubts and suspicions. _theking_ is dead. _theking_ was the Traitor.

@werewolfbot : players alive : 10/12

>   
>  _vitya_ : Alive  
>  _katsudon_ : Alive  
>  _russiantiger_ : Dead - Guardian Angel  
>  _theking_ : Dead - Traitor  
>  _otabae_ : Alive  
>  _crispino2.0_ : Alive  
>  _lilnugget_ : Alive  
>  _leooel_ : Alive  
>  _phikachu_ : Alive  
>  _ji-gh_ : Alive  
>  _crispinokreme_ : Alive  
>  _evilwitch_ : Alive  
> 

phikachu : rip

theking : WHY ME

leooel : SHUSH DEAD PPL HAVE NO RIGHTS TO SPEAK

vitya : HAVE FUN WITH YURIO

russiantiger : ...

@wolfbot : night has fallen. everyone heads to bed, worried about the next wolf attack. NIGHT PLAYERS you have 60 seconds to use your actions.

phikachu : hey seunggil wants to join the game

phikachu : can we add him after this round?

phikachu : wait why am i even asking 

phikachu : OF COURSE I CAN

phikachu : thanks phichit!

phikachu : youre welcome phichit!

crispinokreme : wat...

crispino2.0 : hmm phichit's talking more than usual.. suspicious..

phikachu : EHEHEHEEHEHEHHEHE

@werewolfbot : the next morning, the villagers woke up to a terrible stench. they follow the stench to the pig pen, only to find _crispino2.0_ shredded apart in it, arms missing. _crispino2.0_ was a Cursed Child.

@werewolfbot : _crispinokreme_ was found in the town fountain, floating about in the tinted waters. _crispinokreme_ was the Fool.

@werewolfbot : players alive : 8/12

>   
>  _vitya_ : Alive  
>  _katsudon_ : Alive  
>  _russiantiger_ : Dead - Guardian Angel  
>  _theking_ : Dead - Traitor  
>  _otabae_ : Alive  
>  _crispino2.0_ : Dead - Cursed Child  
>  _lilnugget_ : Alive  
>  _leooel_ : Alive  
>  _phikachu_ : Alive  
>  _ji-gh_ : Alive  
>  _crispinokreme_ : Dead - Fool  
>  _evilwitch_ : Alive  
> 

crispino2.0 : :(

crispinokreme :at least i got to die with sara :')

@werewolfbot : dusk draws near, and the villagers gather to decide who they are lynching this evening... everyone alive has 60 seconds to vote!

katsudon : WAIT THERE WERE TWO WEREWOLVES?!

phikachu : wow shocking!

leooel : iM LYNCHING PHICHIT

ji-gh : YEA ME TOO

vitya : YEA ME TOO SECONDED

katsudon : YEA ME TOO THIRDED

@werewolfbot : time's up.

>   
>  _vitya_ has voted to lynch _phikachu_  
>  _katsudon_ has voted to lynch _phikachu_  
>  _otabae_ has voted to lynch _phikachu_  
>  _lilnugget_ has voted to lynch _phikachu_  
>  _leooel_ has voted to lynch _phikachu_  
>  _phikachu_ has voted to lynch _katsudon_  
>  _ji-gh_ has voted to lynch _phikachu_  
>  _evilwitch_ has voted to lynch _phikachu_  
> 

@werewolfbot : the villages have cast their votes, amid doubts and suspicions. _phikachu_ is dead. _phikachu_ was the Tanner.

@werewolf bot : _phikachu_ the Tanner has won!

@werewolfbot : players alive : 8/12

>   
>  _vitya_ : Alive - Harlot **Lost**  
>  _katsudon_ : Alive - Mason **Lost**  
>  _russiantiger_ : Dead - Guardian Angel **Lost**  
>  _theking_ : Dead - Traitor **Lost**  
>  _otabae_ : Alive - Werewolf **Lost**  
>  _crispino2.0_ : Dead - Cursed Child **Lost**  
>  _lilnugget_ : Alive - Seer **Lost**  
>  _leooel_ : Alive - Mason **Lost**  
>  _phikachu_ : Dead - Tanner **Won**  
>  _ji-gh_ : Alive - Beholder **Lost**  
>  _crispinokreme_ : Dead - Fool **Lost**  
>  _evilwitch_ : Alive - Werewolf **Lost**  
>  Game Duration : 00:18:28  
> 

russiantiger : i feel so betrayed

otabae : love u too <3

vitya : its always the quiet ones...

phikachu : DAS RIGHT I WON

katsudon : but yOU DIED

phikachu : BUt I WON

crispinokreme : THAT WAS FUN

crispino2.0 : LETS PLAY AGAIN LATER

phikachu : YEA REMIND ME TO ADD SEUNGGIL

russiantiger : STILL SALTY THAT I WAS THE FIRST TO DIE WHAT THE FUCK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what was the point of this chapter? i dont even know but werewolf is a really fun game heh


	4. super secret surprise party pt. 2 AKA ya dun goof'd

25/12/16, 00:00

 

**what is sleep**

 

vitya : MERRY CHRISTMAS GUYS~

katsudon : merry christmas to you too <3

russiantiger : whats so good about christmas anyways

vitya : well its not only christmas today~

lilnugget : today is special because it's the day santa delivers presents!! ^^

russiantiger : coughcoughsantaisntrebfhdjshjrfe

vitya : i saw yuuri try to grab yurios phone away from himm

lilnugget : ?? what are you saying? why arent there any spacings in your sentence?

katsudon : nothing minami~ its just that yurio doesnt believe in santa~

lilnugget : but why? santa does exist right?

russiantiger : sure he does

lilnugget : i wish i get a puppy for christmas this year!

lilnugget : i have been good this year so santa will get me a puppy right?

 

25/12/16, 11:42

 

**victor's super secret surprise birthday party planning committee squad thing idek**

 

katsudon : GUYS

katsudon : DOES VICTOR EVEN LIKE SKIING

phikachu : how do we know? youre his boyfriend

leooel : fiance*

ji-gh : husband*

russiantiger : ew

phikachu : okay why not we add him here

phikachu : ask for his opinion

phikachu : and then kick him out

katsudon : sounds good

 

 _katsudon_ added _vitya_ to the group

 

vitya : what is this for?

katsudon : vic~ do you like to ski?

ji-gh : what is your favourite cake flavour?

russiantiger : blur or white streamers?

 

 _leooel_ removed _vitya_ from the group

 

leooel : GUYS THE GRUOP NAEM

katsudon : oh no..

phikachu : ya dun goof'd

russiantiger : add him back

russiantiger : once hes added back, lets all pretend to blame each other

ji-gh :ye that might make him forget about the group name

phikachu : so do we just expose our plans by 'blaming' each other?

katsudon : what have we done ;-;

 

 _katsudon_ added _vitya_ to the group

 

vitya : what?

russiantiger : what the fuck? dont you know how to change the group name before adding him?

russiantiger : thanks a lot. now the whole plan is ruined.

 

 _russiantiger_ has left the group

 

phikachu : yuuri i love you so much as a best friend but the fk? we spent so much time planning this and you just fk up our plans like this??

katsudon : its not entirely my fault?? no one bothered to change the group name before i added victor?

leooel : well maybe someone wanted to but you didnt want to wait and decide to add victor in before the name was change lololol

ji-gh : leo i dont get how you can still laugh in this situation

ji-gh : you know what. im done with everything. happy bday victor. sry everything was ruined.

 

 _ji-gh_ has left the group

 

vitya : what is going on..

katsudon : victor do you think its my fault?

phikachu : is it not obvious that it is? istg you need to learn how to admit your mistakes lol

vitya : okay thats enough

 

 _vitya_ has added _russiantiger_ , _ji-gh_ to the group

 

vitya : okay guys

vitya : im just going to say this

vitya : are you guys really arguing? cause i feel really bad

russiantiger : why would we be lying?

vitya : im sorry

russiantiger : for what? its not your fault

vitya : i mean like you guys planned so much for me that cause you guys to start arguing

vitya :so uhm what happened? you guys added me in, asked me a question, kicked me out of the group, added me back in, and then started to argue

vitya : so yea i appreciate all of your efforts to have a surprise party for me

vitya : but could you guys please patch up... fcuk i feel so bad..

katsudon : ..

katsudon : ..

katsudon : VICTOR I LOVE OYU SO MCUh'

russiantiger : he jjust pounced on victor

russiantiger : .. hes crying..

russiantiger : ..halp..

leooel : VICTOR WE"RE SORRRY

vitya : huh?

vitya : ..

vitya : WEre YOU GUYS FAKING THE ARGUMENT

vitya : I AM LEGIT SWEATING RIGHT NOW?? THAT WAS SO TENSE??

phikachu : WE ACCIDENTly ADDED YOU WITHOUT CHANGING THE NAME

leooel : AND WE THOUGHT YOU SAW IT

ji-gh : SO WE PRETENDED TO ARGUE SO YOU WOuLD FORGET ABT THE NME

vitya : oh my god..

vitya : I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH

vitya : ok i hate you guys for reducing my lifespan by 981472783%

vitya : BUT IM REALLY GRATEFUL FOR ALL OF YOU

phikachu : GROUP HUG

leooel : we're not at the same location

phikachu : CYBER GROUP HUG

ji-gh : YAY

russiantiger : no pls

katsudon : CYBER GROUP HUG!!

vitya : I LOVE YOU GUyS SFM <3

phikachu : MEET AT THE SKI RESORT AT 5!!

leooel : I WILL INFORM THE REST 

phikachu : WEEEEEEEEE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what was the purpose of this chapter? idek.


	5. the pre-party

25/12/16, 18:37

 

**what is sleep**

 

katsudon : heY GUYS I KNOW THAT THIS IS HELLA LAST MINUTE

katsudon : BUT WOULD YALL LIKE TO JOIN US FOR VICTOR'S BDAY PARTY

katsudon : iTS LIKE AT A SKI RESORT AND ITLL BE HELLA FUN

evilwitch : party?

lilnugget : YE SURE

crispinokreme : THAT MEANS LAST MINUTE SHOPPING NOW

crispinokreme : SARA LETS GO SHOPPING NOW

crispino2.0 : WELP BYE GUYS

phikachu : SEE YALL AT TEN

russiantiger : why are we skiing at 10..

katsudon : cause the pricing is he cheapest at 10

phikachu : and we're all broke mofos

ji-gh : BRING YA OWN BOOZE PEOPLE

katsudon : no pls

russinatiger : do you really want a repetition of the banquet...

lilnugget : what happened at the banquet?

katsudon : nothing

phikachu : SPILL THE TEA

phikachu : ANYONE

phikachu : JJ? ANYONE??

theking : Did someone summon The King?

russiantiger : fuck off

 

25/12/16, 18:58

 

 _milaaaaaa_ created the group

 

 _milaaaaaa_ renamed the group to "russians from russia"

 

 _milaaaaaa_ added _russiantiger_ , _evilwitch_ to the group

 

russiantiger : y

russiantiger : y do i have to be in another group chat

evilwitch : why am i always in victor's shadow

evilwitch : why doesnt anyone remember my birthday

evilwitch : anya would had remembered my birthday

evilwitch : why is life so unfair

milaaaaaa : this was a mistake

milaaaaaa : did yo u not see the message victor sent?

evilwitch : nah i blocked him lmao

milaaaaaa : y r u like dis..

milaaaaaa : we were planning to celebrate your birthdays tgt ohmygod

russiantiger : you just ruined your party

rusiantiger : what did he send anyways

evilwitch : okay I’ll fwd his msg

 _evilwitch_ has forwarded a message from _vitya_ :

“Georgiiiiiiiii I was thinking of maybe having a joint-birthday? Like maybe we could celebrate our birthdays at midnight together? Hahah awill it be okay with you?”

evilwitch : oh

evilwitch : ohhhhhhhhhhhhh

evilwitch : OHHHHHHHHHHHH

milaaaaaa : oh is right

milaaaaaa : see you at 10 then

russiantiger : can I leave now?

milaaaaaa : no

evilwitch : I love you guys so much

evilwitch : it reminds me of the time anya threw me a party

russiantiger : no

 

 _evilwitch_ has been kicked by _russiantiger_

 

 _milaaaaaa_ has added _evilwitch_ to the group

 

evilwitch : thanks mila~

evilwitch : f u yurio.

russiantiger : no thnx

 

25/12/16, 20:36

 

**what is sleep**

 

leooel : guys? are yall here yet?

leooel : guys??

leooel : guYS

leooel : oh lmao

leooel : its not 10 yet

leooel : lmao leo 

leooel : ...

leooel : im gonna hobo outside the resort first


	6. Ɛ>

25/12/16, 21:03

 

**what is sleep**

 

leooel : guys

leooel : its cold outside

leooel :where are yall

phikachu : we’re already inside

lilnugget : we have been here for idk, 30 minutes?

leooel : THEN

leooel :WHY

leooel : DIDN’T

leooel : ANY OF YOU BARS OF SOAP

leooel : READ THE CHAT

leooel : AND REPLY ME FWJDICEWRGJ

phikachu : lololololololololololololol

leooel : is everyone already there

ji-gh : ye

leooel : ._.

vitya : guysssssssss come to the foyer 

vitya : lets playyyyyyyyyy

vitya : hide and seekkkkkkkkkk

russiantiger : is he drunk?

katsudon : nope

katsudon : not yet

crispinokreme : keyword ‘yet’

katsudon : actually you know what

russiantiger : no we don’t know

vitya : don’t be rude toooooooo your mother yuriooooo

russiantiger : I wan death.

katsudon : as I was saying

katsudon : lets all hide now

katsudon :and let georgi find us

katsudon : since we’re also celebrating his bday

katsudon : and cause vitya’s too drunk to be walkng ard 

leooel : I thought he wasn’t drunk 

ji-gh : yet

ji-gh : KBYE geORGI

evilwitch : wat even

evilwitch : y

evilwitch : ok

evilwitch : I found victor and yuuri in 2 minutes

russiantiger : how even

evilwitch : it wasn’t that hard

evilwitch : they were pretending to be lamps

ji-gh : lamps? really?

phikachu : this reminds me of the video of this lady being addicted to being furniture

evilwitch : phichit

phikachu : ??

evilwitch : found you.

phikachu : oH FUEWJKHIVNCJWKIMREW

crispinokreme : HAHAAHHAHAAA HE JUST GOT TACKLED BY GEORGFEINCDIRGSJFNTRW

evilwitch : four down, ten more to go

russiantiger : im bored

russiantiger : you will never find me

lilnugget : of course he wont hehhehehe

evilwitch : ok lets see

evilwitch : seunggil was found playing with a dog

evilwitch : guanghong and leo were found buying food

evilwitch : jj was admiring himself in the bathroom

russiantiger : why am I not surprised

theking : I look good. red really suits me y’know

evilwitch : otabek was in the gift shop

evilwitch : sara and mila were at the spa entrance

evilwitch : why is there a spa in a ski resort? idek

evilwitch : this leaves minami and yuri

lilnugget :you guys will never find us

leooel : you guys are together?

russiantiger : are we?

lilnugget : are we?

russiantiger : are we??

 

25/25/16, 22:01

 

evilwitch : ok we give up

leooel : where are the both of you

lilnugget : um

lilnugget : in one of the air vents

ji-gh : how even

leooel : y tho

katsudon : ok which vent

russiantiger :how are we supposed to know

russiantiger : why are we even in an air vent

russiantiger :why did I agree to hide here

russiantiger : y

crispinokreme :whats that sound

theking : why is otabek hitting every vent he sees

phikachu : maybe he just wanted to vent his anger

phikachu : geddit? vent?

phikachu : cause they are stuck in a vent? ahahhahaha

russiantiger : get out.

russiantiger : actually no

russiantiger : get us out of here

lilnugget : we have been here since the beginning of the game

lilnugget : pls send help

evilwitch : otabek istg we’re gonna get kicked out if you continue to hit every vent you see

phikachu : cant you guys see what you are above

lilnugget : oh

lilnugget : oh we are just above you

leooel : …………..

 

26/12/16, 00:04

 

vitya : hi guys

vitya : im back

vitya : what did I miss

russiantiger : your birthday.

vitya : ufjhdfhfsijkhfmj

evilwitch : guys

evilwitch : I know that im not really that close to many of you

evilwitch : but I would like to thank all of you for today

evilwitch : I really appreciated it a lot

milaaaaaa : AwwwwwwwWWWWWWWWWWWw

leooel : AWWWWWWWWWWwwwww

phikachu : AWWWWWWWWWW WELCOME GEORGI

ji-gh : YOURE WELCOME OUR EVIL WITCH

phikachu : <3

66gemini : how do you make that heart?

66gemini : 3>

66gemini : like how do you do it 

66gemini : oh nvm I got it

66gemini : Ɛ>

phikachu : tf bae

leooel : PDA ALERT

ji-gh : WEW WEW WEW WEW WEW

russiantiger : what was that supposed to be

ji-gh : … the sound of sirens…


	7. (ಠ_ಠ)

6/4/17, 10:56

 

**what is sleep**

 

 _phikachu_ renamed the group to “ _ded group 2k17_ ”

 

phikachu : guyyyyyyyyyyssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

leooel : wow has this group really been dead for 4 months

ji-gh : yea whr hav u guys been?

russiantiger : I don’t think it was dead cause we were busy

phikachu : then ehy was it dead?

russiantiger : bcause the author of this fic is a lazy bar of soap 

russiantiger : and she forgot to write

russiantiger : and post

katsudon : what??

russiantiger : nothing lol

otabae : u okay?

russiantiger : nope :) 

vitya : wew I still feel drunk from my party

ji-gh : its april

ji-gh : your birthday was 4 months ago

vitya : then why do I feel like my head is exploding

russiantiger : cause your party happened in the last chapter 

russiantiger : so based on the timeline of this fic

russiantiger : technically your party wa s thrown ytd

vitya : huh?

russiantiger : nth

phikachu : yurio you are acting weird

russiantiger : lmao no im not

katsudon : o.o

vitya : ._.

phikachu : ٩(◕‿◕｡)۶

leooel : (*´▽`*)

russiantiger : tf guys

lilnugget : ヽ(>∀<☆)ノ

otabae : I found one for you yura

otabek : ( ╯°□°)╯ ┻━━┻

phikachu : and then otabek’s would be?

otabae : this

otabae : (╮°-°)╮┳━━┳

russiantiger : …

russiantiger : ( ╯°□°)╯ ┻━━┻

russiantiger : ( ╯°□°)╯ ┻━━┻

russiantiger : ( ╯°□°)╯ ┻━━┻

russiantiger : ( ╯°□°)╯ ┻━━┻

otabae: ……………

otabae : (╮°-°)╮┳━━┳

otabae : (╮°-°)╮┳━━┳

otabae : (╮°-°)╮┳━━┳

otabae : (╮°-°)╮┳━━┳

leooel : ship

ji-gh : ship x2

phikachu : ship x3

phikachu : x3

 

6/4/17, 11:20

 

private message from _otabae_ to _russiantiger_

 

otabae : whats a ship?

russiantiger : I have no idea hahahahaubdisafhbfbiog

otabae : yuri?

otabae : welp I can just google it if you don’t wanna tell me 

russiantiger : ohnoz

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> someone pls motivate me to continue writing. pls OTL


	8. in which jj is an egoistic broccoli

10/4/17, 13:25

 

 _leooel_ created the group

 

 _leooel_ renamed the group to " _brUH_ "

 

 _leooel_ added _katsudon_ , _vitya_ , _ji-gh_ , _otabae_ , _phikachu_ to the group

 

leooel : guys

leooel : halp mi

vitya : ??

leooel : lOOK AT ThIS

 _leooel_ has forwarded their chat from _theking_ :

" theking : nobody likes me :(

theking : or at least nobody i like likes me back

theking : :(

leooel : lmao why are you telling me this

leooel : but woww

leooel : arent you with isabella

theking : cause you're the only one that cares about me :(

leooel : tf

theking : sigh

theking : i dont even like the people that like me :(

leooel : wow there are people that like you

leooel : shocking

theking : :(

leooel : pls stop sending that

theking : lol ok

theking : anyways

theking : yea? you didnt know?

theking : like

theking : yuri??

theking : im sure he liked me at one point

leooel : wow.. really?

theking : yes!!

theking : dont you remember?

theking : i hid his ice skates once

theking : and when he asked me where his ice skates were

theking : i didnt want to tell hiim

theking : and i said if he wanted his skates back, he would had to 

theking : nvm

theking : after i said that

theking : he said something in russian

theking : and left

theking : but im pretty sure it was because he was too shy

theking : hm

theking : even if he confessed to me

theking : i would have to reject him

leooel : lmao y

theking : im glad you asked

leooel : no

leooel : nonononono

theking : well that would had been tough too

theking : considering that we are both friends

leooel : you two are friends?

theking : of course!!!!!!!!

leooel : wtv floats your boat m8

theking : who wouldnt want to be friends with me?

theking : im the best

leooel : sure m8 "

 

otabae : the fk

ji-gh : wow otabek actually cursed for once

phikachu : aw ship

leooel : his ego

leooel : is really

leooel : massive

katsudon : did you really wake me up for this

phikachu : bestie 

phikachu : its almost 2pm

phikachu : why r u constantly sleeping

ji-gh : its ok

ji-gh : i just woke up too

katsudon : bestie

phikachu : yes. bestie

katsudon : buddy

phikachu : chum

katsudon : pal

otabae : yura saw the group and wants to be added in. is that okay?

phikachu : how did he know about the group? 

phikachu : and sure

otabae : he's beside me

 

 _otabae_ added _russiantiger_ to the group

 

russiantiger : just to clear things up

russiantiger : i am not friends with that egoistic piece of shit

leooel : i like how he is constantly saying that you like him

leooel : as if it was a mantra

russiantiger : speaking of massive ego

russiantiger : he also thought that both mila and sara liked him

russiantiger : so he showed up uninvited to one of their dates

phikachu : eh wait a minute..

phiakchu : dATE?????

russiantiger : ye date

katsudon : what? you didnt know?

katsudon : bestie have you been living under a rock or smth

phikachu : well that is news to me

phikachu : am i the only one shocked

leooel : yez u r

otabae : was it the one where they wanted to watch a movie and he bought a seat next to theirs? and when they tried to leave after the movie he didnt stop following them and kept saying that

otabae : and i quote

otabae : i dont mind sharing myself with two beautiful ladies ;)

russiantiger : yup thats the one

phikachu : absolutely disgusting

phikachu : anyone else hasa any stories to share?

ji-gh : when i was at his house to collect some documents

ji-gh : i saw

ji-gh : a life sized picture of himself

ji-gh : next to his mirror

ji-gh : which had several shirtless pictures of him

ji-gh : i need to bleach my memory now brb

vitya : how do you even bleach your memory

katsudon : i really dont want to be mean but

katsudon : he has a picture of himself giving a thumbs up in his wallet

katsudon : the picture was also signed

vitya : he tried to give me his autograph pnce

vitya : saying how he knew that i was his fan

vitya : like bitch what

vitya : Do YOu NoT KnoW WhO I AM

katsudon : mine?

vitya : efibdjknuihfjsajfkndcs

leooel : vitya.exe has stopped working

russiantiger : this is a pda-free zone

ji-gh : what if he's just lonely and uses he ego to comfort himself?

russiantiger : idk and idc

ji-gh : and we're being really mean 

katsudon : i think out of all of us here

katsudon yuri is the only one that doesnt like him

phikachu : yup thsi is all just playful banter :)))))

otabae : he just asked me if i wanted his autograph

russiantiger : im gonna fking murder that broccoli

phikachu : fooking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no i do not hate jj or anything. this was sorta inspired by a conversation i had irl and i thought it suited jj. pls dont kill me :'D


End file.
